Body Neutrality Helped Me Post This Unflattering Pool Video
I had a fun pool day with family at Kool Park Pool in Hickory, NC. I liked my swim suit. I saw all types of bodies. I didn't think about mine until I heard someone say that the video wasn't taken from a flattering angle.
Immediately I took that comment to heart.
Immediately I Made That Comment Mean Something
I immediately thought of myself, and I thought that person was maybe openly commenting about my body without commenting on it specifically. I took that because I feel self conscious about my body.
There were several videos taken that day, and we were watching all of them, but I knew I was in one of them, and I hadn't watched it yet. So I immediately, when I had time, was going to go back and watch that video and look at myself specifically. As someone who struggles with body image, I always think my body looks worse than it is. I don't scrutinize anyone else's body except my own.
They might have been talking about one of the other videos. I didn't know and I didn't ask. I just went into hiding.
I thought about this more later. Were they even looking at my body? Was it this video? Maybe they were just making a general statement. How many times do we make a comment personal when it really isn't?
I Saw The Way My Belly Looked When I Was Sitting
When I first watched the video, I saw the way my belly looked when I was sitting. It's not just that I have a full midsection, but I do have a small but prominent belly. Because my bathing suit was wet and because of the way I was sitting, I felt as though it was emphasized. You can clearly see at the bottom where the bathing suit goes in under my belly. I didn't see that on anyone else's body. Although I wasn't looking at anyone else's body specifically, I just was looking at mine.
How Body Neutrality Helped Me Get Over This Video
I quickly was able to switch to a body neutral thought because I realized I exaggerate my own body, and I'm sure that no one else is looking at my body the same way that I am.
I know that my body has changed drastically over the last several years. I know that I have struggled with controlling my stress, making sure that I eat enough for my body, making sure that I get movement in for my body. I'm trying to change my relationship with diet culture in the way that I think about food and the way I think about movement, and I'm trying to have a more positive relationship. It's really hard to lose weight and have a positive relationship with food, but that's something I'm working on in the meantime.
Even if that person did make a comment about my body, let's say that is what they meant. It's technically not wrong. I think we need to take the emotion out of words and the emotion out of the way that we see our body because a body is just a body. There are billions of bodies on this planet, and your body has nothing to do with how intelligent you are, how loving you are, how kind you are, how funny you are. No one is friends with you or loves you because of your body.
I watched the video. I saw my tummy. Then I didn't care.
Working to love my body and understand the difference between my worth and the way that I look, and knowing that my body does not make me a worthy human being, I've worked to have body neutrality, which is how I was so quickly able to get over this video. In the past that video probably would have thrown me into a shame spiral. I would have gone into extreme restricting. I maybe would have gone to extreme exercising.
I think as women, we look at photos or videos of our bodies from a party or from an event, and we instantly go into scrutinizing. And what happens then in our brain is we just look for the negative. And all of the fun we had that day disappears.
I Had A Choice To Make
I had a choice to make. I could either let this video basically rule the memory of this day at the water park with my family, where I was laughing, I was swimming, I was playing games, I was going down the water slide, I was listening to music, I was watching my nephew and my niece and everyone have fun. I could forget all of that and focus just on what my body looked like and feel shame around that, or I could accept that that's what my body looks like in that moment.
I know I have a belly. I know I can't hide it all the time. I know my body is not what makes a good friend, wife, friend, etc.
I remember that my body has changed significantly my entire life. I've never had a consistent body weight. It's always been a terrible relationship I've had with my body and with food and with exercising. There's never been any consistency. My family members have already seen my body yo yo up and down. None of that has affected my relationships with any of them because my body does not affect my intelligence, my kindness, my loving heart, my funny nature, my humor. None of those things that my family loves me for or that my friends like me for have anything to do with my body.
Focusing on what makes you a good person vs what makes you a good looking person makes a difference in how you feel about yourself.
Never share this video out of shame, or remember all the fun I had and be an example for other women and show them that having a belly is ok. I made the decision to share the unflattering angle for all the women who feel self-conscious about their bellies.
I wanted to share this video to show women that your body does not determine your worth. The more that we can separate who we are versus what we look like, I think the better off we will be.
Don't let your body take away from your fun memories with family and friends.
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